WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?!?...LONER.


The past couple of days, months, years I've been discussing with various people about relationships in general and how I think I'm most likely gonna be alone for the rest of my life...*single tear. As my search and efforts for the last 15 years to find the ONE or to be in something meaningful has slowly come down to a "FUCK IT!!!" kinda attitude. 15 years because everyone knows years 1 to 8 the ladies were just gross and had koudies. But recently more than ever I've seen the "SINGLE LIGHT" one, uno, isa, loneliest number, LONERVILLE population 1, etc. etc. I actually sometimes dream about myself (weird I know) sitting at the theatre alone watching some cheesy ass movie called The Notebook Part Deux with my family sized Sour Patched kids, large popcorn, and a bucket of Ice Tea just stuffing my face, while some punks laugh at me while they comment on me being that guy that goes to movies by himself...I USE TO BE THAT PUNK and now look. It really scares me, I wake up in the middle of the night with the sweats, my neck just juiced...not really but it could happen. Just the feeling of being lonely can single handedly crush a grown man no matter how strong in the mind and in the heart (sooo cheese I know, but so true) cause once the loneliness hits ya you start to think what the hell could I be doing wrong?!? You just start to ask questions about yourself, "Do I smell bad?", "is it my hair?", "is it cause I'm BIG BONDED?", and the big stumper "AM I GAY???". I'm sure I'm not but man does it get you thinking harder. Thinking alone I think is the worst thing about me, I get paranoid way to easily, and I over saturate every situation with just thoughts of stupidness and that I'm blinded by the bigger picture. But sometimes I can't help but think and listen to SLOW JAMS which DOES NOT help the situation but feels soooooooo good and I'm not to sure why slow jams make me happy, sad, and depressed at the sametime its an anomaly I think.

A great philosiphizer said once, "Girls, girls, girls, girls, Girls I do Adore" twas a gentleman named JAY ZED. But GIRLS do puzzle me at times because they're all just BIG TEASES well not all but a large majority and a large majority of them don't know how much they affect the male species emotionally, mentally, and physically. They go around gallivanting toying with mens emotions giving them false senses of hope at times, giving off the wrong "signals" throwing a mans mental state into utter kaos filled with confusion. But is it the mans naiveness (if that's a word) that sets him into this whirl wind of love (LOL I can't believe I said that) coaxing him into believing that any sign of affection or any slight of being "liked" from the opposite sex can make him think that, "hey you know what I think X-person likes me". So maybe both are in fault, the womans lack of sensitivity towards a true mans feelings and the naiveness? of the man to actually believing that he could be falling in LOVE.

But then What does love have to do with it?!?...
Love is defined in the dictionary as "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness." Those are some strong words that I don't understand because I probably haven't felt a lot of those things before, but in my personal opinion the word LOVE is used way to loosely. In personal experience I very seldom use the word LOVE with people. I use it other ways like "I love softball", "I love chicken", etc. but seldom I use it to describe my relationship with people in general cause from that definition it sounds like it would be quite the feet to reach that level of LOVE. Which someday I will find *single tear. There are probably only a handful of people that I really truly love and thats fine with me and some people may be offended but Con I don't love you, you're alright...just kidding buddy. So I guess I ask of the people out there that know me well enough that they use that word with discretion around me as it should only be used with utter sincerity.

SOO MUCH MORE I WANT TO SAY SO...

TO BE CONTINUED....

LIVING TO BLOG ANOTHER DAY